A Christmas Wish
This week’s column is about what to get that special someone for Christmas, and you all know who that special someone I’m talking about is – your local game warden, of course. realize that most of you do not have a grinchy old game warden to shop for, but humor me, and I’ll try to humor you.
I don’t know how many times in my nearly 30-year career that I heard, “Man – that Warden So-and-So doesn’t give any breaks. I bet he’d write his mom a ticket.”
I can’t say that there isn’t some cause for concern that some wardens might. I’ve often thought of how I would react if I were put in the awkward position of finding my mom outside the boundaries of what the State of Texas and the Parks and Wildlife Code allow.
I guess it would depend on the egregiousness of the offense (sorry, Mom).
But just because some game warden’s hearts might be two sizes too small, doesn’t mean that they necessarily need to be scratched off your Christmas list.
After all, who do you think keep Santa’s reindeer from being SHOT on Christmas Eve?
That’s right, while everyone else is tucked away in bed with dreams of sugarplums dancing in their heads, there’s a good chance that your local game warden is still out, freezing his or her butt off, and ensuring Santa and his crew safe passage through your county.
That’s a heavy load to carry. No one wants Rudolph to go down on their watch.
So, back to that list. Clothing is a big no-no, at least it was back in the day, because the state supplied everything except socks and underwear. What about clothes for that special night out? Well maybe, but most “special night outs” occur on weekends and holidays, and game wardens don’t have a lot of those when they aren’t on call. It’s not fun to have to leave the holiday gala because dispatch calls and says there’s a guy on Clem’s pier with a bucket full of undersized trout.
And as an aside, what is it that makes people think that just because it’s Christmas, or some other holiday or birthday, that they get an automatic “get out of jail free” card when it comes to breaking the law?
One Christmas night years ago, my partner and I caught a guy, who just happened to be running for office in a local election, hunting on a farm-to-market highway. Usually, that highway had a ton of deer on it, but not that night.
All the guy saw was a rabbit, so that’s what he shot. We stopped him soon after he retrieved his prize.
With all the political acumen he could muster, he said, “But it’s Christmas… can’t I get a break?” We gave no quarter, and he got his ticket. In retrospect, I think that’d be one even Mom would’ve gotten a ticket for.
Oh yeah – I’m supposed to be writing a game warden Christmas wish-list piece. Hmm, what else? Really, I got nothing, and this week’s column is a sham.
I guess I’ll end it with a cheesy proclamation I stole from Steve Martin: “If I had one wish that I could wish this holiday season, it would be that all the children of the world to join hands and sing together in the spirit of harmony and peace.”
Yep, that’s cheesy, for sure, but in today’s world especially, it’s danged-sure a worthy wish to shoot for. Merry Christmas everyone!
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