What’s the best gift for relationships this holiday season? Understanding ourselves

We were in one of those finish-everything- before-the-holidays meetings, pussyfooting about an accusation someone had made. Suddenly a colleague confessed, “My hands are clenched. My shoulders are tense.” He paused. “If I listen to my body, clearly I feel like I’m being attacked.” As he described his feelings, I recognized them in myself. Judging by their faces, so did the others.

In paying attention to our physical reactions, we realized what was going on. The criticism had hit hard, perhaps harder than intended. We shifted to a more direct conversation and came to a resolution.

I think about that moment as friends joke nervously about the holidays. They’re worried about conflict but also longing to reconnect with family.